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this was never meant to be recorded like this, only played live, usually drunk, but a friend of mine talked me into recording it for inclusion in a radio rock project we were hatching up. well, he was hatching up. i didn't really have much of an artistic investment in it, i just agreed to play bass, because my friend needed a bassist more than any other reason. he wanted this to be a "hidden song". i obliged. that never went anywhere, but i'm happy i have a recording of the track in this form.

it's sort of about me, and sort of about my dad, and sort of about caricatures. we never had a dog drown, and i simply have no knowledge of the dynamics of my parents' sexual relationship. that's just an old country song. yet, there were a lot of stressful problems in both his work and family life, and that was being pointed to as a cause of his heart problems.

in hindsight, i'd tend to lean more towards genetics (and perhaps lifestyle) than stress. of course, that's something i have an interest in understanding further as i age. at the time, though, the focus was all about reducing the amount of stress he was dealing with.

i really just sort of didn't get it. i still don't *really* get it. stressed? well, chill out then. spark one up. put on a tune. it's maybe not as easy as snapping a finger, but it has to be about a general philosophy of life. see, i guess i place a lot less faith in the idea of free will than most people do - and my father, being a rush fan, and don't get me started on that travesty, put far more faith in it. when one is absolutely convinced that their entire life is determined by the choices they make, including the ones they don't make, it produces a lot of pressure to make or not make the right choices. meaning? he did it to himself - his atlas never shrugged.

ultimately, universe gonna hate. your so-called free will is doomed to be crushed in a wave of stochastics. the universe is a random, chaotic place defined by poorly understood probabilities. so, why bother concerning yourself so deeply with the consequences of your actions in this pointless existence, to the point that it might cut that existence short? it was the idea of him driving himself to cardiac arrest that pissed me off. you could be hit by an asteroid in your sleep. you could spontaneously combust. you could even wake up one day to find that aliens have landed and are taking over the world using robot gunships. once you get *that*, trying to fight for control seems pointless.

or, so, the debate went. i wasn't really comfortable writing a song *about* my old man, so i took a fictional first-person perspective and went to town with it a bit.

written 1999-2001. recorded over a weekend in the spring of 2001. this file has not been altered from the original.

credits

from jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj, track released April 20, 2001
j - guitars, effects, vocals, digital wave editing, production

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jessica murray Windsor, Ontario

this is the archive for the artist formerly known as jason parent and now known as jessica murray.

the music here has shifted dramatically over many years, from roots in punk/grunge through to experimental synth pop and into a type of kitchen sink post-rock with heavy electronics. the only consistency throughout is a lack of consistency, guitars and an impressionist aesthetic. "blender rock". ... more

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